Thursday, March 19, 2015

Day 9- It Is What It Is

It's such a beautiful day as I sit on the back porch reading my daily devotion out loud with my mom. This is not something we have done in the past... if ever really. As we sit here and discuss the devotion in depth and the meaning of the verses and try to understand and dissect the definitions of every line... Jerry interrupts my questions, half hypothetical, and audible thinking and says "No. Just stop. The more we try to dissect the why of every difficulty, the greater the confusion. Sometimes we just need to embrace the fact that 'it is what it is' and we need to allow those sufferings to impact our life for the good in order to bring glory to God and or bring us closer to him."

NO I’m not surprised God has presented us with this difficult journey (I mean, maybe a little... I live in Casey Land), but Patty has ALWAYS told me God doesn't promise lives as Christians would be easy. {Somewhat unfortunately as I'm still semi bitter} we are called to be thankful IN the sufferings (still hard for me to swallow) that my mom, or anyone, is having to experience. God is never lacking in sympathy, therefore God will give her strength to make it through- constantly. When we feel the most forsaken and lonely, God is still near. He is in the darkest cloud, and God never abandons us.
As I have sat here and talked in circles with Courtney and my dad, all sufferings allow us to rejoice in the fact that it will bring us closer to God to help us realize the enlarged capacity that we are capable of knowing him deeper.... if we allow it though. The idea is that it will enable us to conform to his likeness, which we should consider the ultimate privilege- I just now finally was able to wrap my brain around that- and rejoice IN (not for) the fact that we are experiencing sufferings as Christ Jesus experienced. As a Christian, that should be our highest aim- to conform to the likeness of Christ. THAT is a privilege. THAT is a suffering worth experiencing, if it conforms us to his likeness.

We also discussed how one person's suffering may not be another. Just because you don't have cancer, doesn't mean you aren't suffering. Her struggle is her health. I was laid off from my job on Monday. I have a Bachelor of Arts in Communication with a focus in Public Relations. It's been a year this week that I have been unsteadily employed. It's exhausting. It's confidence shattering. It's constant feelings of worthlessness. It's angering. I'm either over qualified, or my age prevents me from getting a chance to prove how hard of a worker I am. Jerry has made me have a job since I was 15. Consistently. So this is just earth shattering to me that I am having such a hard time.

Divorce and then unemployed and then my mom has cancer? THAT IS NOT FAIR DUDE. It seems I've been desperately searching for a full time job since I was forced to resign last March. My employers gave me a resign or be fired ultimatum a few days after I returned back to work from my honeymoon. How's that hit for your first week of marriage?

Starting off your marriage with a financial hardship is like you not hearing the gun go off at the beginning of the race. You're already behind before the race has even started. God wasn't in that marriage or any of the steps leading up to it. Sure we had extremely nice, brand new appliances and furniture, but what does that even mean when you can't come to the Lord in prayer together as husband and wife? Nothing. It was too much for him to handle and decided he didn't love me anymore. That totally sucked dude. Not even gonna lie. Like a bullet to the heart.

With the help of one of my closest and wisest friends, Emily Nunnelee Thompson, I have recently come to the realization that God can allow my divorce to transform me and change my life for his glory- that is, again, if I allow him to- which I've had a difficult time letting go and allowing him to do so. Picked up on the control issues I can posses at times? However, it wasn't until my mom's cancer diagnosis that I sat and actually had Bible study with my parents tonight. I now have regular Biblical discussions with several of my friends. I don't want that ever to go away.

I don't deserve The Lord's capacity for sympathy because those were my poor choices of marrying someone I was not 100% sure was a follower of Christ and living in sin through partying, disrespecting my parents and just not caring to be the person they raised me to be, but I know my mom does and it is so much greater than our sympathy for one another. It's so encouraging to know that he will never make our hearts hard, insensitive but instead instill in us affection, tenderness and truthfulness. Patty had all those characteristics before cancer. I can only imagine how the Lord will work in her to blossom those beautiful attributes he's blessed her with already.

This is a deeper post that usual. I was really convicted today after taking with my parents and then again with Courtney. JUST DONT UNDERSTAND SO MANY THINGS, but that's because of my lack of a strong relationship with my walk with the Lord.

<--------I feel awkward and self conscious about 9 times out of 10. -------------> Jenna Dickerson reminded me today, "don't stop writing... you never know how God is using your words to reach someone you may never know this side of heaven... you are worthy because HE made you worthy and for you to continue sharing your thoughts and unknowingly you encourage others and me every day."

NO. Jenna encourages me everyday. She influences me without even realizing it. Basically all she has to do is tell me I'm awesome and we're good... but she truly is a Godly woman. Who loves chickens.

I'm so #blessed to have so many Godly, influential friends that have stuck by me and unceasingly prayed that I fervently seek God's will for my life. I never had a clue.      --------------------------------------------------->

*Let us never forget, my parents are outdoors people* :)-------->

Also, if you want to catch up on Jerry's sermons, you can click here and it will take you to his sermon archive.

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