I don't know how many more exclamation points I can fit in there without seeming obnoxious. Me, Aunt Pam and Cousin Ashley just happened to be in there when Dr. Seago stopped by. He was asking her how she was feeling blah blah who painted her nails (of course I took credit for that one, they look awesome) and then slipped in there "doesn't look like you have much stuff to pack up to go home", and we all kind of paused... Patty was processing, Jerry had gone to get coffee and I was the only one who actually caught it and said, "wait, SHE CAN GO HOME TODAY?!" and then Patty goes, "WHAT?! I CAN GO HOME!?" Dr. Seago starts laughing at our reaction and responds with, "I mean unless you like being woken up by all the nurses and doctors all night?" To which Patty instructs my youngest sister Leslie to "CALL DAD WE ARE GOING HOME". I must admit, seeing my mom so happy broke me down and I couldn't hold back my tears. It's crazy how the smallest thing, such as sleeping in your own bed, can bring such joy in a time of difficulty. The only thing about this is, I may have to give Baxter (our Cavalier King Charles Spaniel) back to her :/ and that IS something I'm willing to negotiate on.
After being in that hospital room, it also hit me that my mom has cancer. We've had a rocky relationship over the past few months because of my poor decisions. My Aunt Pam has been so much more than a family member. She has served as therapist, words of wisdom, advice, suggest actions, teacher, interpreter for all the cancer jargon and most importantly a shoulder for me to cry on... because on the way home yesterday it was go time with the tears. This is her sister and she needs to let it all out too, but she silently let me chatter on and on and finally, when it hit me, she held me in her arms and let me sob.
This is going to be a long journey, and I'm terrified. I get more terrified by the day. She's my best friend and I have SO MANY THINGS to ask her, just in case. Like- who's going to tell me I look fat in my dress? Or that my hair is too blonde? Teach me how to make lefsa (my family is Norwegian and we make lefsa every so often, it's a flat potato bread that is like a pancake but super thin... IT'S AMAZING), CHANGE A DIAPER because Lord knows kids aren't in my future for A VERY LONG TIME, when I have a question about the dog- she is who i call- if not I'd be at the ER Vet once a week. I heavily rely on her for every life question and direction. Jerry has always taken care of me and my mom, so I have her to giggle with when we frustrate Jerry because we don't know how to do something "just let me do it and ya'll sit over there girls". We don't complain and just let him take over ;)
Patty is such a fighter and I hope I have many years to ask her all of the questions mentioned above. Even though I talk way too much and too fast, I'll need years to try and ask her 53 years worth of information stored in her brain.
Update from Jerry this morning:
We got home about 7 PM Wednesday night and had a fairly restful night's sleep. We will spend today resting and trying to absorb everything that has happened in the last two weeks. We will also be trying to adjust to being at home without nurses, doctors , etc.
Keep us in your prayers and we will let you know if we need anything once we figure out how this " being home" is going to work out.
Some of you know that Emily Nunnelee Thompson is my best friend... that sounds so 2nd grade, but she really is. I've never had a friend like her (thanks Delta Gamma for bringing us together #DG4LYFE). Emily has recently lost her father, Congressman Alan Nunnelee to brain cancer. So recent, his funeral was held at the beginning of February. It's so unfortunate that we are having to go through this terrible circumstance together. It's so easy to ask "why", but if you do, you'll drive yourself crazy. Their encouraging verse was:
"16 Rejoice evermore. 17 Pray without ceasing. 18 In everything give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you." 1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18Time and time again Emily would come back with visiting her dad and share with me her dad's joy and peace and her mom's support and strength, and always to be. thankful. It's hard to be thankful when you are struck with something like cancer. Debilitating cancer. But their family never ceased in staying thankful for all the many blessings God has bestowed upon them.
My family has chosen to remain faithful. You could also say "acceptance". Though that's a tough one for me to swallow. Acceptance of God's plan, his will for our lives and to continue to follow him in all circumstances. We also have to continue our efforts in remaining faithful to his plan. I am having a hard time with this still. I don't really want to remain faithful, at times. I want to get angry that my mom is in PRISTINE shape, hasn't eaten a bite of meat in almost 4 years, takes a shot of apple cider vinegar in her green juice smoothie every day to do something (she spits out so many health words I can't even begin to remember them all, so forgive me for not knowing the correct term here) to the lining of her stomach to prevent cancer cells from growing (ironic), runs like a maniac and is in better shape than my 27 year old junk food eating, wine drinking self. Cancer doesn't even run in our family!
However, as we continually talk about US remaining faithful to HIM, I HAVE TO REMEMBER that HE remains faithful to US. I feel so helpless and alone during this time and this verse was my quiet time this morning and it brought me to tears...
Me and Emily were discussing our struggles and what important things to remember during this time during our morning chat. First and foremost, we have come to the conclusion that we could be preachers. Second and more important, if we openly fall before the cross and beg for help we will receive it. I am not strong enough to do this on my own, but God is. I cannot handle this all by myself, but God can.
As you can see below, me and Ashley found Jesus in the last place we wanted to be in... St. Dominic's Cancer Center. I like to think Jesus doesn't mind when we make light of a difficult situation :)
His Eye Is On The Sparrow
Since it's Thursday, let's throw it back to Sandi Patty circa 1980's style with a classic hymn.