Thursday, January 11, 2018

"Sucker Punched" by Jerry L. Smith, Ph.D aka my dad


When a reporter asked Mike Tyson whether he was worried about Evander Holyfield and his fight plan,Tyson responded, “Everyone has a fight plan until they get punched in the mouth!” Unexpected wisdom from someone that tattooed his face! But still a good life lesson.

My wife and I had a plan of serving God in the local church, having kids, and growing old together. But cancer “punched us in the mouth!” And it wasn’t even a legal punch….it was a “sucker punch!”  A sucker punch is defined as a punch without warning.  The Urban Dictionary calls it a “bitch punch.” A blow made without warning with disastrous results. 

After 32 years of marriage, my partner in theological education at New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary where I received both Masters and Doctor of Philosophy degrees, my partner in child-rearing, pastoring churches, exercising in Spin class, lap swimming, and running Half Marathons, was diagnosed with Stage 3C Ovarian Cancer. She was in Heaven 14 months later.

We had a plan until we got “punched in the mouth.” The plan was to serve Jesus in a local congregation, travel, grow old together, serve in mission endeavors, and spend as much time camping, running, and mountain biking and we could fit into our schedules….and hopefully have grandkids! Patty adored kids! She adored her kids, your kids, and kids in general! For example, when I needed someone to teach a Team Kid Bible Study in our mission church, Patty was the first to volunteer. She worked with the son of our mission pastor, Zach Davis, who helped her to keep these kids who were not “church broke” calm and organized so they could hear the Word of God.  Patty always made sure that she carried Zach a supper plate from the Wednesday night supper at our church (where she worked in the kitchen). She and this big, football playing, blue-eyed, curly haired brunette told a group of African-American kids about Jesus every Wednesday night. 

Patty was devastated when she heard that Zach had died in a one car accident on a Friday morning during his Senior year of High School. I will never forget standing with his parents in the hospital, Floyd and Kay Davis, as we identified Zach’s body. As I preached  his funeral, all I could see was kids filling the sanctuary and flooding into the streets outside of the church. He was a deeply religious young man who served the Lord and helped my wife as they shared the gospel as a team at New Hope Baptist Church.

I share this story to communicate how much she loved kids and how my family is not the only one that feels “sucker punched” from time to time. If we live long enough, every one of us will get popped in the mouth and sent to the mat. Some of us pop back up as if we weren’t even hit…too embarrassed for getting struck and hoping no one saw. These are the ones that act like the punch didn’t hurt and try to cover their pain with either pious platitudes or complete silence (if we don’t talk about it then maybe it didn’t really happen).

 On the other hand, some of us lay there as the ten-second count echoes  in our heads while we are trying to decide if its even worth it to try and stand up again. And though I got back on my feet (eventually), I often wondered if I should have just stayed down.

In future posts, I will share with you why I am glad that I didn’t stay on the mat, as well as some of the things that  have helped me to “live to fight another day."  The thought of the devil strutting around the ring with his gloves in the air claiming victory was something that I just coudn't allow to happen. I basically said the same thing that Patty and I said in the first 2 years of our marriage when we were contemplating divorce.

After struggling with our relationship in the early days of matrimony, we discussed divorce.  And the only thing that kept us together was our commitment to God.  Not so much to one another, but our commitment to God who we felt had brought us together. We just couldn’t dissolve our union and break His heart. It was our love for God that kept us together…..not our love for one another. So we started going to counseling, praying together, compromising, and working on our relationship with the help of the Holy Spirit. And throughout our 32 years of marriage, we often talked about what a mistake it would have been if we had not determined to honor God through our vows and allow Him to work in our hearts. We often thanked God in our prayer time together that He has given us such a “one flesh” relationship. 

And the same is true now in my situation.  I want to honor God and allow Him to work through this catastrophic event that has come uninvited into my life. And even though I have been “sucker punched” by cancer, I refuse to allow the death of my wife to define me or destroy me. I guess you could say that I am becoming a Phoenix!

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